what chew talkin’ bout?!!
i am sitting in the denver airport.
i have had ‘goodbye earl’ by the dixie chicks stuck in my head all morning.
i just ate mexican food.
the kid sitting directly across from me is chewing his salad
with his mouth open.
i say kid, but he is my age.
his chewing is only part of the problem.
he also has an enormous face.
oh man, i am such a dick..
he is chewing like someone would chew big pieces of metal
if they were trying not to cut the inside of their mouth.
it is hard to watch, but i am drawn in
like a tractor beam.
there are birds flying in the terminal.
i half expect one of them to swoop down onto his lip
and start feeding from his open mouth.
yep. i know. gross.
he is with a beautiful red haired girl.
i imagine she is an actress. in plays.
who lives in brooklyn.
and she is drawn to men who eat like her dad…or something.
that’s the only way i can explain it.
he is also wearing one of those caps that someone named
‘pip’ would wear. or some kid in ‘newsies’.
i think i am grumpy.
this feels like a twitter post.
yuck.
February 26th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
i just wanted to say that i appreciate the randomness of all this information…and that i’m incredibly pumped to discover that you’re playing at my college in april. PUMPED. i never thought tiny little B-W could bring such big entertainment to campus!
February 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
everyone does that in their head.
i mean really,
we sit there in airports that reek of gasoline, fast food, and the people around us
when our ipod dies or we forget the charger for our laptops or cellphones
what else is their to do then contemplate the obvious and make detailed observations of the people surrounding us.
February 26th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
oh newsies. brings back fond memories of AP history in high school. and i would never marry someone who chews like my father.
i see that you’re playing here in ames in the fall…with sugarland. you should probably ditch and play a show at the m-shop instead
February 26th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
people in airports fascinate me… I spend most of my time pretending to be absorbed in a book, but really studying the human landscape around me. I find that most peoples’ behavior in airports is like this kid chewing his salad, like a train wreck… horrible to watch, and impossible to look away. One time I listened to this guy sitting next to me sing the entirety of Hey Jude with his ear phones in, his ipod turned up, I mean, didn’t he realize that everyone could hear him? Now, this is acceptable when someone can sing, like you for instance, but when you can’t carry a tune in a bucket… please just keep it to mouthing the words…
February 26th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
you were in the Denver airport?? Come on you gotta let me know next time.. I was there today too! but I live here. and I have a hat like that but I wear it to the side in hopes to avoid looking like a newsie! although I do break out in songs about strikes quite often. And for the record. I do not think the ginger is from Denver, you should know from South Park…
February 27th, 2009 at 11:42 am
cause earl had to die, na na na na naaa naa na.
February 27th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
i am sitting in the Denver aiport.
i don’t think my plane is ever going to leave.
i’m getting impatience.
to make it worse, i’m eating this awful salad.
my girlfriend made me eat it.
she thinks i could bear to lose some weight.
whatever, she likes my huge head.
so i’m trying to chew as loud and as obnoxious as possible to piss her off.
there are these birds that are in the terminal.
i kind of wish they would swoop down and steal this overrated lettuce.
to make it worse, there is this punk sitting directly across from me.
he won’t stop starring at me.
but i’m starring back, in that way that you hope they don’t notice.
i’m probably more like a deer in headlights.
but he keeps looking at my girl.
yay, she’s gorgeous.
i want to tell him she’s an actress, in porn.
maybe he recognizes her
probably, since he looks like a rock star wannabe.
thinking one day he’s going to make it big.
maybe even have a gig or to.
he totally thinks he is rockin’ the screen-print t-shirt
and overpriced denim.
maybe he’s starring at me because he is jealous of my hat.
my girlfriend says it makes me look hot.
okay, i’m done.
i need to change my facebook status.
February 28th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
don’t you just HATE people that chew with their mouths open? honestly, do they think we really enjoy watching them chew their food? do they think that we all want to become one with their salad? no thanks.
it must be one of my biggest pet peeves.
that and when people don’t buckle/car seat their small kids into the car while driving. come on! don’t you have 30 seconds? i always did and after 3 girls and 15 total years of belting them myself (5 years X 3 girls = 15 years and they can do it themselves now thank God at 19, 15 and 11) it was not a huge deal.
and have you ever noticed an unbelted kid flopping around in a car and the parent IS BELTED? wtf.
i’m venting and i feel a little like matty here. lol not that that is a bad thing. it fact i would love to feel matt. LOL!!
take care to all,
)
xoxo
mucho smooches (that’s spanglish
jen
March 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Yeah I it when people chew with their mouths opens, yuck. But whats worse is when people talk with a mouthful of food. Like my friend, at lunch she always talks with a mouthful of food and then when I tell her to close her mouth, she deliberately opens her mouth to show me her digusting mouthful of food. Yep totally gross.
March 1st, 2009 at 9:42 pm
LOL! Gotta love the randomness of it all! Thank goodness for you Matt Nathanson!
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
You’re an excellent writer, have you ever thought about writing a book?
March 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Just when I think I couldn’t adore you more…you go and drop a Newsies reference.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Stroy — I die laughing.
May 1st, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Matt- you crack me up! One of my biggest pet peeves has to be people who chew like livestock. Close your F*%&ing mouths you PIGS! Seriously- don’t people teach their kids manners anymore? I can’t stand the teenagers these days- they suck! So rude and crude, walking around like they rule the world like everyone must bow down to them. I was never THAT bad.
I must be grumpy too right now- sorry for the rant.
But I do appreciate you mentioning the ‘beautiful’ redhead- all us redheads are beautiful, you know? But many people don’t appreciate us; they have no idea what they’re missing
Keep Blogging my friend!
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
[...] 2, 2009 Just sharing a comical post from singer songerwriter Matt Nathanson’s bloghttp://blog.mattnathanson.com/?p=120. Worth the read if you have time to kill and need a laugh. Reminds me of my childhood sitting across [...]
May 15th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I have a thing about eating noises and “see food.” Nonetheless, this was very amusing. I love that you’re making up a story about the girlfriend–I do that all the time.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:27 am
This is hilarious. My favorite thing to do in the ‘waiting times’: People Watch and kibbitz, either in your head, or with a fellow kibbitzer. I once missed a connection in the Atlanta airport because a friend and I were too busy privately assassinating the flotsom and jetsum of humanity. Hell, they make fun of me when I walk by, I am sure…good stuff, Matt!
July 18th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
just passed through denver airport and i believe the same kamikaze bird dive-bombed me. no slack-jawed chewer, but the airport-neutered internet wouldn’t allow me blog access, so i witnessed plenty of other woody allen-worthy characters. a fifty-ish asian woman drug her american husband up to the gate to help translate her complaint that our plane wasn’t loading at twenty till. it was fifteen till and why were we still sitting? he didn’t even understand.
i bought a paperback. i think i was cranky too.
August 31st, 2009 at 6:39 pm
*HOWLING*
I effing love you.
September 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.
April 11th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
hi-ya, good blog post.