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first off…
in the last entry i totally spaced
one of the reasons queen made
my list AND why they rule:
FREDDIE MERCURY’S VOICE!
it was powerful and dynamic
and… totally otherworldly!

ok… moving on to the number 9
artist in my top 10 list of ‘greatest artists ever’
(based of the list VH1 gave me)

VAN HALEN.

controversial, i know.
fact is, van halen never really gets the respect they deserve.
maybe it’s the years of drama/feuding of the various band members.
or the genre they’re in.
or david lee roth.
i don’t know…
but here are the reasons they rule:

- DAVID LEE ROTH!
have we ever had a front man, before or since,
who encompassed as much sexuality, humor, showmanship,
fearlessness and power as diamond dave?
he owned the stage.
he owned the arena.
he owned the songs.
his singing/shtick was JUST as important as eddie’s playing.
who else gets away with talking about ‘forgetting his pencil’
and ‘easing the seat back’ in his car in a hit song?
he was the ringleader of the party.
that EVERYONE was invited to.

- no one has ever been able to imitate them.
sure, people have jacked certain elements…
but there’s never been a band that’s ever been accused
of ‘doing the van halen thing.’ cause no one can.

- never has a band taken so seriously the idea of NOT being serious…
and in the process, been such ABSOLUTE musical BAD-ASSES!
it’s like… if the 3 stooges were ninjas.
laughing, shtick-ing it up for a crowd of people and then, mid joke,
killing everyone.

- van halen switched singers mid-career and wrote songs that were
JUST AS STRONG. and they sold more records. and became more popular.
(note: this did not work a third time. sorry, gary cherone)

- the songs.
the DLR era van halen songs were completely non-traditional,
completely intuitive, 100% unique and totally transported you
to a different place.
(again… spoken word verses about pencils in ‘hot for teacher?!’ amazing!)
and i happen to think the sammy hagar-era songs were amazing too.
‘dreams,’ ‘when it’s love,’ ‘poundcake,’ ‘finish what ya started’…
those are bulletproof pop rock songs.

- last, but not least.
EDDIE VAN HALEN!!
melodic. fearless. from the gut.
i’ve never heard him play a note i didn’t like.
people have emulated his speed. his technique
but no one can PLAY like him.
he’s dirty. and sexy. and groovy.
he plays like he’s falling down stairs…
in the SEXIEST POSSIBLE WAY a person can fall down stairs.
his sense of melody is UNREAL.
he was the last person to really change the way the guitar is played.
and, for me, there has never been a better guitar player.
(hendrix/clapton/jimmy page/whoever fans… start your booing now.)

so last week i shot interview clips for a new VH1
special on ‘the 100 greatest artists of all time.’
they emailed me a big old list and had me fill
out a ballot with my top 10.
then i got to go in, be on camera
and nerd out on my top 25.

you have to understand, when i was a kid…
i DREAMED about shit like this.
if a show had existed then where you talk about
why your favorite bands were your favorite bands,
i would have wiped the flaky puff crumbs off my sweatpants,
put down the dungeons & dragons handbook,
marched my heavy-set ass out of the basement to wherever they
were filming and gotten my dork on!

in short… even though the list VH1 sent had some
glaring omissions (the pretenders, the pixies, ray charles),
the experience was still, pretty much, the highlight of my 2010.

i wanted to share my list with you.
but decided to chunk it out into installments.
and post it every few days or so…
starting with 10.. moving to 1.
obviously 1 is the highest. duh.
ok…

so, the band in my 10th spot…..

QUEEN

- first off: THE SONGS.
they have an ENDLESS stream of amazing songs…
all of which sound like they were beamed in from mars.

- brian may = total legend.
he built a guitar with his dad from a fireplace mantle
and played it for his entire career. if that wasn’t rad enough,
the TONE of said guitar is the aural equivalent of triumphant,
orgasmic angels singing.

-the bass player, john deacon, wrote ‘another one bites the dust’…
THE BASS PLAYER!

- freddie mercury wore short shorts. had badger teeth. and was balding
and made all of that look EFFORTLESSLY COOL!

- roger taylor, the drummer, not only wrote ‘radio gaga,’ but he also
hit all the background vocal high notes live.

- queen’s live shows were a huge spectacle… the epitome of showmanship.
and to their credit, they were able to pull it off while still remaining inclusive.
when you watch queen play, you never feel like an outsider.
you never feel like you are watching people who you wish you could be.
for all of the bombast of their music, and the over blown-ness of freddie
mercury’s on stage persona, you always feel like you are watching people
whose job it is to elevate you. to make you feel like you are a part of
something amazing… not on the outside of it.
and to me, that’s what great music’s all about.

morrissey released an AMAZINGLY eloquent statement over
the sudden & unexpected death of his longtime fan, melinda hsu,
who passed away on april 12th.
even if you are not a fan of morrissey (you heathens)…
this is a pretty incredible tribute to her, and to the folks like her,
who spend so much of themselves on the artists they love.
take a second to read it.

-matt

Statement from Morrissey
30 April 2010

My trusted ally Janice Long has passed news on to me of the sudden death of Melinda Hsu. I did not know Melinda personally, but I felt as if I did because she had been a front row fixture for many years. In fact, from her many letters and gifts I understood her name to be Mel Torment, or even, when she felt at her most pernickety, Smel - which I’m certain was not her given name. Mel was a smiling face who lent strength to every single concert, even when events were going somewhat pear-shaped. I felt as if I knew Mel because she was always there - regardless of wherever ‘there’ happened to be; no snowbound landscape too far, no off-the-beaten track too untrekkable. I often handed her the microphone mid-concert and she would always make an effort to say something different each time. What is more, she always seemed so happy to be there on the front row, even though she had heard these live renditions enough times to emaciate the brain of the most inherently decent devotee. However, she was booed by the audience once - in Killarney, when she asked (via microphone) with a tone of disbelief “why Killarney?” but I don’t think she meant the contorted snootiness assessed by the rest of the audience because she was not that type.

Those who travel from concert to concert as Mel did possibly don’t realize the contribution they make. They are as much a part of the night as I am, but I sometimes feel embarrassed because I think they are asking for more than there is, and, mustily, I can’t give it. The goat-like vocals and the tipsy monologues are all that I am.
Mel had passed a note to me at Pomona saying that it would be her final concert of the tour. Yet, hours later, in another venue, there she was again. Even after all she had done, even after all the money she had spent and the millions of miles she had hiked she still could not keep away from the squeeze and bend of yet another version of “First of the gang to die” - never imagining, I’m sure, that it is she who would be the first. As ever delighted and content at Ventura (where we gave our final bow), I cannot imagine whatever it was that Mel believed she saw or felt as she fixed upon the stage night after night, year after year.
Her contribution was a declaration of love for which she seemed to save all of her strength, and for which I could only ever repay with half-witted mumbles of thanks.

The only way to deal with Mel’s death is to accept it. There is no other way. We all have a certain unbreakable appointment and we are all helpless targets in that regard. Life’s only promise is its final deadline. When Mel, and others who are dear to us, depart, we should at least realize as we shuffle along living our small and persecuted lives, how absolutely ridiculous it is to be afraid of anything or anyone on this unhappy planet. Most people are standardized and unoriginal, which is useful, because it makes the Mels of the world stand out even more. Rich in ideas, her self-made calendars and t-shirts were always very funny. You will catch up with her in the afterlife, where I’m sure she will be as creative and busy and as Mel Torment as ever.

Thank you to Julia at True-to-you for printing this.

MORRISSEY
France, april 2010.